1. Crashing planes make a sort of "crunch" sound upon impact.
2. Screaming intelligbly is entirely possible -- even recommended -- when being choked to death.
3. If headless bodies are good enough for the guys who publish Tales from the Crypt, they must be good enough for guys who publish Archie.
4. Girls, you can be pretty -- and therefore loved by the man of your dreams -- if you just remove your glasses and let your hair down.
5. When encountering a curious shield with an ominous note, you should take it upon yourself to show the shield who's boss.
6. If you're ever privvy to an underwater fight between a dog and a Kraken, always bet on the dog.