I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Gee, I wonder what's going on with Sean. His blogging has been a little sporadic these past few days."
I'd like to say that I've been extremely busy working on some really cool comic book related project that will knock everybody's socks off. The reality, though, is that my mind's been on other things. Namely, my failing marriage. Although I'm still not really emotionally ready to deal with it yet, I've come to at least recognize that my wife wants out of the relationship and there's absolutely nothing I, or anyone else, can do to change her mind on the matter. We've been going to martial counseling every week, during which she's repeatedly said that the only reason she agreed to go was to try to explain to me why she's leaving. I still don't understand, honestly, but it has sunk in enough to know that she has no intentions on working to save our relationship.
In our session this weekend, I surprised her and our therapist by saying that I could at least now recognize that, and we're starting to shift our collective focus to dealing with how to separate our lives definitively. I even met with an attorney this afternoon to see what kinds of issues I need to pay attention to and watch out for. Emotionally, I'm really not ready for this, but I also don't want to spend the next several months spinning my wheels needlessly, trying to salvage something that my wife actively does not want salvaged. She emotionally divorced herself from me several months ago, and she's not about to change her mind on the matter.
What I suppose I find curious about my reaction is that I have NOT taken any real solace in comic books. I've read a few, certainly, but I didn't go to my LCS last week, nor have I been able to muster much enthusiasm for writing about any aspects of comics. (You might note that most of my postings here the past week or so have been light on content.) In fact, the most thought I've put into comics was when I realized Maggie Thompson was going to be at this year's Mid-Ohio-Con, and I should try to schedule some time to talk with her in person. I've no idea what I'd ask at this point but, like I said, I haven't been able to focus on comics too much. My readings of Plastic Farm, Lost Girls and Alter Ego were decidedly more sedate than I would think would be normal for me.
Another thing that surprised my wife and counselor was that I made an active effort to recruit a new friend this week as well. As I noted before, my circle of friends has been more of a single point, and I opted to go out on a limb and bear my soul to someone at work. In part because I was having a lousy week and I needed someone to talk to, but also because I thought it might be a way to become an active friend of this person. She was extremely sympathetic and I'm hopeful that we might become really close friends. (In a platonic sense -- get your mind out the gutter!)
It was interesting in that I found myself this week making active choices to deflect the overall sadness I'm feeling at the failing of my marriage. I switched the playlist on my MP3 player from audio books to a collection of happy/funny songs (including concept pieces like Dread Zeppelin and Bill Shatner's spoken-word rendition of "Rocket Man") to use when walking the dog. I managed to line up an audition with a band for sometime next week (still working on the details there). I even broke out some old video games that I haven't looked at in a few years. I suppose they're at least different enough that it requires a bit more mental engagement than just reading comics for fun, but not so much that I typically allocate towards reading comics on a more academic level.
Anyway, I wanted to let whatever readership I might have know that I'm still here, and still trying to blog on a daily basis. I figure I'll get back into the swing of things over the next day or so. But I'll provide fair warning now that I'm sure I'll have another lapse in blogging right around the time we actually sign the papers, and have the marriage officially terminated. I don't know exactly when that will be yet, obviously, but I'm guessing no later than the end of the year. I suppose the positive way of looking at that is that 2008 has GOT to look brighter than the tail end of 2007!