Monday, October 08, 2007

Kleefeld NOT On Comics, Part 2

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Gee, I wonder what's going on with Sean. His blogging has been a little sporadic these past few days."

I'd like to say that I've been extremely busy working on some really cool comic book related project that will knock everybody's socks off. The reality, though, is that my mind's been on other things. Namely, my failing marriage. Although I'm still not really emotionally ready to deal with it yet, I've come to at least recognize that my wife wants out of the relationship and there's absolutely nothing I, or anyone else, can do to change her mind on the matter. We've been going to martial counseling every week, during which she's repeatedly said that the only reason she agreed to go was to try to explain to me why she's leaving. I still don't understand, honestly, but it has sunk in enough to know that she has no intentions on working to save our relationship.

In our session this weekend, I surprised her and our therapist by saying that I could at least now recognize that, and we're starting to shift our collective focus to dealing with how to separate our lives definitively. I even met with an attorney this afternoon to see what kinds of issues I need to pay attention to and watch out for. Emotionally, I'm really not ready for this, but I also don't want to spend the next several months spinning my wheels needlessly, trying to salvage something that my wife actively does not want salvaged. She emotionally divorced herself from me several months ago, and she's not about to change her mind on the matter.

What I suppose I find curious about my reaction is that I have NOT taken any real solace in comic books. I've read a few, certainly, but I didn't go to my LCS last week, nor have I been able to muster much enthusiasm for writing about any aspects of comics. (You might note that most of my postings here the past week or so have been light on content.) In fact, the most thought I've put into comics was when I realized Maggie Thompson was going to be at this year's Mid-Ohio-Con, and I should try to schedule some time to talk with her in person. I've no idea what I'd ask at this point but, like I said, I haven't been able to focus on comics too much. My readings of Plastic Farm, Lost Girls and Alter Ego were decidedly more sedate than I would think would be normal for me.

Another thing that surprised my wife and counselor was that I made an active effort to recruit a new friend this week as well. As I noted before, my circle of friends has been more of a single point, and I opted to go out on a limb and bear my soul to someone at work. In part because I was having a lousy week and I needed someone to talk to, but also because I thought it might be a way to become an active friend of this person. She was extremely sympathetic and I'm hopeful that we might become really close friends. (In a platonic sense -- get your mind out the gutter!)

It was interesting in that I found myself this week making active choices to deflect the overall sadness I'm feeling at the failing of my marriage. I switched the playlist on my MP3 player from audio books to a collection of happy/funny songs (including concept pieces like Dread Zeppelin and Bill Shatner's spoken-word rendition of "Rocket Man") to use when walking the dog. I managed to line up an audition with a band for sometime next week (still working on the details there). I even broke out some old video games that I haven't looked at in a few years. I suppose they're at least different enough that it requires a bit more mental engagement than just reading comics for fun, but not so much that I typically allocate towards reading comics on a more academic level.

Anyway, I wanted to let whatever readership I might have know that I'm still here, and still trying to blog on a daily basis. I figure I'll get back into the swing of things over the next day or so. But I'll provide fair warning now that I'm sure I'll have another lapse in blogging right around the time we actually sign the papers, and have the marriage officially terminated. I don't know exactly when that will be yet, obviously, but I'm guessing no later than the end of the year. I suppose the positive way of looking at that is that 2008 has GOT to look brighter than the tail end of 2007!

5 comments:

Matt said...

Harsh, Sean. Really sorry to learn all this. Take care of yourself, okay?

Rob said...

Hey Sean... Well I do check in on your blog just about every day, and did notice it had been "light". I was wondering if things were getting better for your personal situation, and I'm sorry to hear that it IS pretty much final. But I think that you do reflect, at least here in your blog, a good attitude and I know that will help you as the days and weeks and months go by. I know I'm only a "blog acquaintance" but I really am interested...so keep us as informed as you feel comfortable doing!!

plok said...

Sounds like you're taking some steps to help yourself out, Sean -- a very good thing, so give yourself a pat on the back, and keep making those active choices. Little things do count, you know: they make it a shorter run, to the time when you'll get to feel better.

Best luck, man.

Anonymous said...

Sean--
I can't help but feel some comaraderie with you. About eight years ago I went through similar circumstances. No amount of counselling, mediation or reason was to save our marriage. Even with the prospect of divorce, I found it very important to surrounded myself with as many friends(new friends, old friends, family, Bible study groups,etc.) as possible. they say 'iron sharpens iron,' and good friends will help you stay sharp, spritiually focused and help you continue to see you are valued!
If you remember the 'old' Byrds song, 'Turn, turn, turn' It talks about a seasons and a time for everything. This side things may be a drag, but there ARE wonderful seasons waiting for you ahead!!
Hang in there brother!

Albert Dale
Spring Hill, TN

RAB said...

I wasn't going to post any reply on this topic because I know all too well there isn't anything good or useful or particularly helpful to say in these circumstances...but I still have to say that I'm following all this as you write about it, and you're in my thoughts every day. I believe you're handling a devastating situation with enviable grace and maturity -- it probably doesn't feel that way to you, but I wouldn't lie about this -- and it does you great credit.