On -isms: A Tess Fowler Story

Tess Fowler, as you may know, is the current artist on Rat Queens. She relayed a story via Twitter earlier this week that speaks to a whole host of issues, not the least of which is dealing with hurtful relatives. And no, I'm not trying to ruin anyone's Christmas -- she ends on a decidedly more upbeat note -- I'm showing how a person can reclaim her life as her own despite others' attempts to destroy her. Fowler doesn't go into too much detail here precisely how she was able to break free from so much of it, but that people can and are willing to help others is what I try to advocate in my own meager way here.

Ugh. The issue ive been dealing w: a loved one screaming at me repeatedly because I advocate online about racism/trans issues but not vegans

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Sending me lengthy emails telling me "#blacklivesmatter but animal lives dont?" That I'm a murderer. Unsolicited lengthy angry emails.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

I eventually snapped. Of course. I was being bullied and abused. It was such a repeat of my mother's behavior and from a loved one to boot.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

This person provoked me on and before my birthday. Dragged it out for days. And when I snapped she blamed me as an instigator.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Why? Because I wouldn't agree that veganism was more important than black folks dying. This was FAMILY. And they were dead serious.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

So after I snapped this person went off the deep end. There was no agreeing 2 disagree/I was the bad guy. They told family it was all me

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Because it was family and I have so little of that left I tried to save it. Which of course was a miserable failure. Lesson learned right?

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Wrong. It still hurts. There has been no apology. Its nothing I haven't been thru tho. My mother is the same way.--

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

I realize now that my anti racism stance was at fault. It was a trigger for this person. Hence the blind attack.--

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

But it still harms me. Even now. I love this person who was lost to me before I even knew it. I tried everything.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

And in the end I will be blamed by others. People find it easy to blame me for defending myself even if I spend days/yrs being patient-

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

This is why troll attacks usually roll off my back. My kinfolk do this to me. Always have. Trolls have nothing on my family.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

My "normal" has always involved abuse, manipulation, threats of disownment and abandonment etc. I'm kinda bulletproof to most BS as a result

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

But after me telling you all this you can kind of start to see where my lifelong anxiety stems from lol

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Imagine being five trying to navigate a whole family of that. My grandmother joked I was a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Waiting for the other abusive shoe to drop. I'll never get an apology. My broken heart over it means nothing to anyone. I'm used to that-

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Last of the family who had any emotional weight in my life imploded and attempted to saw her way free of me. Because I'm an advocate.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

I'm going to carry this wound until its a faded old scar. And I'll always blame myself even tho I know I couldn't have changed it.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

I come from a family where the sexual physical and emotional abuse of children was NORMAL. I was disowned/abused for fighting it.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

My sense of safety has always been compromised or just non existent. But still even now I am sure it was all my fault. It wasn't..but it WAS

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

THIS is why I dread the holidays every year. This is where I come from. But now I'm building my own traditions. Sushi. Movies. Etc

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Soon I'll have one more nasty scar. But a little more peace too.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Its weird to go thru life knowing ur family sees no value in ur existence. Its surreal. But it does get better.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

The pain doesn't leave. It fades quite a bit tho. Its survivable. I know many of u may feel right now like that's not true for you.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

I am a survivor of child abuse, rape, and all manner of shit. Yes YOU can survive too. This is why I fight. Why I advocate.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

I tell you all this because I want you to know I still struggle too. Its not always easy for me either. You're not alone.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

Pigeons, I know the holidays can be rough. I love you and I'm always here if you need an ear.

— Tess Fowler (@TessFowler) December 22, 2015

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